Ima Bored

Well, I decided to join one of these clan thingys. Not a lot of people in it, so its not crowded when I try to use the gym. Its ok I guess.

There's some new people in the guildhouse. One of them told me to go to a graveyard and find some dead guys grave. Why is there so much EWW in this world? Anyway, I tried to go there and a zombiething beat the tar outta me. Not very nice.

I decided to see about all these maps Ive been getting. I had to buy a couple of items to get over obsticles in the way, but I got some decent items from the places where the big X's where. Maybe now I wont die so easy? Naw.

I went back to the graveyard, Ickypoo did most of the killing while I danced around distracting anything that tried to attack us. I found the grave, but didnt have anything to dig with. I had to keep looking for a shovel, by the time I found one (a few beatings later) I had forgotten where the grave was. Just grand.

I finally made it back to the grave, dug up the poor guy, got a letter and a key. The letter was.. amusing. The key was promptly stolen by the guy who sent me on the quest. I had to nag him to get it back. It was to some ruins. Why do I need a key to get in ruins? Its not like there are walls attached to the door I just unlocked.

So, I fight my way past kitchen reject monsters, and find a broken stairs. I also found an entrance to a basement. The stairs didnt go anywhere, and the basement was all dark and looked like it had bugs in it. I kept pawing through the rubble above untill I found the dusty book the guild dude wanted. Yay me. Turns out it was a book they didnt want anyway. It helped me learn some tricks though.

I decided I was tired, and went to bed for the day. Not in the ruins though. That would just be stupid.

Ima Exterminator

Good morning! I spent the last few days lazing around my campsite. Ive been told the king of this world, Jick, only allows you to wander about so much at once, so Ive been saving my time up a little. Sorta hard to get somewhere when you only have enough time to walk halfway.

So, I was last seen in the haunted pantry. I decided to go back there and play some more. I found this map off what looked like a tuna fish ghost. I killed a bunch more of those animated produce cans. Imagine my suprise when I realized the pantry I was in was attached to an entire mansion! Im a little too scared to go in right now. I think its haunted too.

So, I went back to the councel instead. They told me I am level 3, and I am now qualified to help someone again! Great. Seems some tavern owner has a rat infestation. First baby bugs, now rats. Why cant these people take care of thier own pests?

On the topic of bugs, it seems Ickypoo has an interesting talent. He will attack an enemy and inject me with stolen blood. I know that sounds.. just.. eww! but it is making me stronger in fights. I hate to say it, but Id rather be injected with stolen blood than beat up. Also, Ickypoo is growing bigger. I think Im actually proud of him.

So, back on topic. I headed to the tavern. It was so dark in the cellar. I was almost wishing I was back in the haunted pantry, but I had promised. Ugh. It was kinda stinky too. First thing I encountered was a drunk rat. Drunk! Can you imagine? Sad to say, it squeaked real loud, attracting its friends. It only took 3 of them to beat the stuffing out of me. I decided to come back when I was better equipped.

I headed back to town nursing my wounds, and discovered there was a guild for those of my talent. I was offered some challenges. The first was playing a game, easy. Next, I had to steal a wallet. Easy. I ran into a roadblock (namely the bartender) when I tried to steal beer for the next challenge. However, I was allowed to start training now that I had passed the first 2 tests. Also, I was allowed to use the meatcar. Unfortunatly, it had been parked in a bad part of the plains and now all I had was a list of things to make a new one. I figured this was a great time to start, but first I trained in the 2 skills I could afford, so I can be nice and buffed for future fights.

First thing when I went to the knoll to find car parts, I found instead a frilly wig and cute little skirt. Considering I was already a female, and these looked more protective then what I was wearing, I put them on. I still couldnt hit my opponents, but it seems they couldnt hit me either. We would stand there in a faceoff, and Ickypoo would sneak up behind them and kill them. Awsome!

The bad thing was, my buffs wore off, and I was no longer able to wander around the knoll. I kept getting lost, so I went back to that silly haunted pantry. For some reason I like it there. Then I went to the other side of the tracks and played in some sleazy back ally. I fit right in there. There I encounted the ghost of a giant slug.. just.. double ew! Anyway, it gave me a map. I also found this crybaby named Harold, and I fixed his stupid hammer just to make him stop his yammering.

I should make note here, I have discovered a lot of items along my travels. I have also discovered that my pockets know no bounds, and I have become the worlds biggest packrat. Ew, rats. So, I stuffed the slimey map in my endless pockets along with everything else, and continued on.

The wonderfull thing is, I found this tower, with this crazy man asking for spider webs. He gave me this potion that made me feel much more powerfull. I do believe I shall find more webs for him! But theres a catch, the bastard asks for more webs for each potion. What a jerk. I ended up with 3 of his potions, and used them all. I felt much better, untill I realized I had used up all the adventures I was allowed. I had already eaten and drank as much as I could. In despair, I tipped over one more brewski, and drank myself into a stupor.

Ima Born!

Hello everyone, my name is Ima Toon. I live in the world of http://www.kingdomofloathing.com. Today, I was born. Or, I think that's what happened. I am fully grown and all. Odd that.

Anyway, I woke up with no memories but my name, in this rocky crag on the side of a mountian. I was sorta confused. I just sat there a moment, then this bright flash of color caught my eye. It was near the top of the mountain. With nothing better to do, I started climbing.

On the top of the mountain, the colors revealed themselves to be a bright little.. bird. Imagine my suprise when the thing looked at me and spoke!

First he tells me something about numbers.. Ive never been good with numbers. I kinda didnt pay attention. Then he tells me he hid some pebbles and wants me to find them. Sounds like a stupid bird, but again, I have nothing better to do.

I looked in this cave, I guess I was still in a stupor of some sort. First thing I did was drink from a puddle, but it was pretty good water. Next, I saw some ogre, and decided I didnt want to see it, so I left the area. Then I came acrost some crates blocking my path, and had a sudden memory of something called a "fonzie" and broke them. Interesting cave so far.

After a minor cave in, I found the stupid pebbles for the stupid bird. Guess what? He wanted another favor! What a mooch!!

So down I go, beating up poor helpless bunnies because this bird cant do his own hunting. At least he shared his food with me.. although Im not sure that was a good thing. Then he told me how to get things from the hermit.. guess what? Things for HIM. Next, he had me fix his stupid toy. Stupid lazy bird making me do all his work! I finally decided Id had enough and went wandering to find my own adventure.

So, I wandered all over, fighting my way through some plains, beating on some random gobliny things that tried to kill me just for getting too close. I discovered that, true to the old movies, goblins HATE music. I played my accordian and laughed as they covered thier ears and howled. I stole a hat and tongs from a chef, and some pants. Yes, I stole pants. And they fit.

At last I found a town. Yay! Civilization! I headed right to the city center, and the council. What was the first thing that happened to me there? I was asked to do .... you guessed it.. another FAVOR! *sigh* I suppose this world will be all about me doing favors for others.

The council informed me that fighting the goblins had made me "level 2" and now I was strong enough to help them find a bug larva. Ew. So away I went to the forest to find a bug. Ew.

It was pretty simple really. A wild animal came at me, but I bonked him on the nose with my tongs, and he ran away. The very next section of woods had a little stagnent pond with the larva. I gathered some up in a little jar *ew* and brought it back to the council.

After all that, they told me to keep the icky things. I was given money for a little cage to keep pets in. I decided Id do it just so I didnt have to carry that gross jar anymore. When I put the larva in the cage, it hatched into a flying bug. I tried to walk away, but it kept following me. Ew.

I wandered back into the woods, curiouse what else I may find. I was attacked by a terrible creature, and amazingly, the bug that was following me helped me fight. I decided to keep it and name it "Ickypoo".

Later, I was wandering around town when I came acrost this pantry door just sort of sticking out and open. I ventured in (that curiousity is going to get me in trouble one day) and discovered all kinds of haunted objects, mostly canned goods. These, naturally, attacked me.

At one point, as I was fighting for my life, a baker came along and handed me a cake, asking me to get the candles lit. What?? I'm fighting for my life here, pal. Sheesh. Will the lazyness never end? So I take the cake (I swear I only tasted the frosting once) and set out in search of a way to light the candles, which seemed immune to matches.

I think this quest was starting to drive me insane, at one point, I came upon what I swear was a very handsome prince in a crown. I ran up to him, still holding my cake, and layed a smooch on his lips, hoping he would save me from this place. Turns out, he was actually a goblin chef, and he sprayed me with magical fire. Viola! Cake candles lit! I returned it to the crazy in the pantry, and he actually rewarded me for my efforts. At last, someone who respects me.

I also came upon a poor goblin who had stubbed his toe. He asked me to bring him something for the pain, get this, he PAID for it in advance.

I lay down to rest, and this ghost pops up and hands me a map. Huh?? I think it was a dream, but the map is still in my backpack. How bizzare.

I went back to town, and found something called the Haiku dungeon. I decided to explore it for a while. Interestingly enough, all I encounted here were plaques on the wall with funny sayings on them. I did learn a thing or two however. There were also plaques with items sitting in front of them. Naturally, I took the items. I found these great pants, sort of a costume or something. Really warm.

I found some ninja guy in a side passage. He challenged me, I just kicked him in the nuts. The next guy who tried to stop me, I just got him drunk. The last guy put forth some silly challange, about taking a pebble from his hand. Didnt I see this somewhere before? I took the pebble and laughed at him. They all bowed down and told me I was amazing. I walked out.

Well, this was a long, interesting day. I think its time to make camp and go to bed.